Published November 9, 2008
Face the night
death is fun
time to fight
no time to run
Strike with light
use the sun
loose your sight
when the fight is done
Make it bright
so none are lost
for light is might
and dark is soft
Fight the night
if you wish to live
you must lose your sight
for the light to give
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141,460 Literary Works • 674,479 Reviews
Well, I don't normally read poetry but I saw this up in that little box in the top right hand and I figured I should check it out.
Anyway, I really only saw one problem that deserves a suggestion:
In the line "Strike with light" prehaps change the word "light" to "might." Something about the original wording of that line just, I don't know, sounds, wrong. Anyway, give it a shot if you like. It's just an idea.
How would you have ended it?
Great poem the end I think in my opinion your last line with ending the poem...doesnt really do the poem justice. Feels unfinished anyhow it was fun reading it
"dark is soft"
...i love that.
Thanks for reading. I have more but i have to make some reviews first. The point system is a cool way of keeping the community involved.
I really like that short simple sweet straight to the point and quite meaning full
Brealdown =]:
Great hook line it reall really works and it builds some tention.
More intensity talking about the confliction the fight so much of a story and so many pictures run through my head when I read this part i saw the sun and the world gong against the moon and its darkness
Little bit more detail and hook lines works out well
Quite inspirational honestly it is, its like that part in movies when the good guys finally get the guns but the bttle hasnt started yet but you know they now have change. its very nicely written for example IF YOU WISH TO LIVE YOU MUST LOSE YOUR SITE FOR THE LIGHT TO GIVE. THe line if you wish to live will keep anybody reading than you end it so suddenly absolute brilliance.
You want people to think than they are going to remember. THeres a famous quote by Benjamin Franklin[I believe so] and it goes " IF you want to be remember do something worth writing about or write about something worth reading"
nice structure...i think i got what you are talking about